Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
