Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
