from now on my penis is your penis
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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