I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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