i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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