In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
