yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
