I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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