The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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