you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
