Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
