Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
