Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
