He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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