I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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