imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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