my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
