i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
