I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
