I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
