So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But break dance skills will only take you so far
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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