3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
