So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
