What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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