About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
