Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
