They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
