he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
