her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
