nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
