the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
