i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
