Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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