i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pants are for mortals
I'm having to shit out rocks
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
