She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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