I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
