just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
