She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
