Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
