My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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