THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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