did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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