im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
