If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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