WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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