You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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