So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
