Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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