If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
