I want to stick my p in your. b.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
