there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
