I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
