i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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