I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
