I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
