oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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