my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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