There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
