I wish my penis had an off switch
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
