you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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