I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
