Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
