Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
