fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
