this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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