Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
