So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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