i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
