Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
