Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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