Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
