I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
