census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
