Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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