1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
