Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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