i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I bet he comes in French.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Randomize
