if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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