Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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