Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
