Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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