Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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