Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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